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Last Thursday I went to Umbria Jazz in Perugia, to see Gary Burton with Pat Metheny, Steve Swallow and Antonio Sanchez.

Not surprisingly given the musicians on stage, the concert was very good.

Thanks to my very resourceful friend Rick, we got the chance to meet Mr. Metheny backstage after the show and have our complimentary photograph with him taken.

In case this ever happens to you, this is a list of things you may want to say to Pat Metheny while you’re waiting for your photo to be taken, in the form of fictional dialogues.

(Y: you, P: Pat Metheny)

Y: wonderful night. and it’s a great honor to be here.
P: thank you.
Y: no, thank you!

Y: please tell me you’re working at the new Group album.
P: hm. you should talk to old man Lyle. boy, is he lazy!
Y:

Y: what about tonight’s rendition of Question and Answer. I’ve heard it live many times, but tonight it was so special. your solo was terrific.
P: glad you liked it. I have to admit it was quite good.
Y: you could definitely say that.

Y: first time I see Steve Swallow live… gotta say the old man kick serious bass.
P: didn’t you know yet?
Y: actually I heard about it before, but now I can confirm. and hey, you did quite good, too.
P: oh, thanks, pal!
Y: no prob

This is how it went instead:

(A: andrew, P: Pat Metheny)

A: sorry to bother you.
P: no problem. (as in: let’s do this quick, will we?)
A: (hinting at Rick) we’ve been to a lot of your concerts together. (as in: it’s a precious moment for us.)
P: thanks, man! (as in: what, you want your money back?)

What’s left of this moment is the most out of focus, stupid-faced, boy-do-I-look-fat photo of me that was ever taken, and a great lesson to be learned: do not ever impinge on your heroes’ lives.

Ever.